The Bathroom Rules

*subject to change

#1- no shitting
#2- travel in teams or groups
#3- always flush twice...just to be sure
#4- should you decide to take a shit, please clean up after yourselves. Let's be ladies.
# 5- courtesy flushes are welcome and appreciated
# 6- clean up your hair. if necessary, wear a hair net . excessive body hair should be waxed or neatly groomed/trimmed if you are prone to shedding

These rules will be strictly enforced by the potty police. Necessary action will be taken should there be any infractions to these rules

Sprayed S***

um I believe someone left their hair on the floor in the bathroom. I just walked in there and it looked like an old western movie where the tumbleweed is rolling by in the wind. Nassssty. There are three stalls in this *brand new* bathroom, we will refer to them as toilet #1, toilet #2, and toilet #3. Toilet #1 is known for being sprayed with shit, both the bowl and the seat. Toilet #2 never has toilet paper, except for that time someone shoved the roll in the tampon disposal. Last, but certainly not least, toilet #3 has an unknown entity floating in it, which looked like a giant skin flake.

People can't even put the toilet paper on the roll. Someone actually put it on the hook on the back of the door in one of the stalls. Of course this was the stall I ended up in, but did not discover the whereabouts of said toilet paper until I shut the door and it came crashing down and rolled out to the sink. Upon exiting the stall, a fellow co-worker entered the bathroom and questioned the toilet paper rolled out across the floor. I do not know co-worker, I do not know.

On a seperate occasion,I walked into the stall and saw fucking shit on the seat and basically ran back out. This is a pretty nice place, you'd think the people here would be capable of using a toilet. On top of that, the bathrooms are locked so only people with keys can access them. Somebody working around here needs a diaper, and I intend to find out who.

Apparently, there needs to be some rules and regulations established for this new bathroom. Stay tuned for bathroom rules, posted by office security.

Random Excuse from Tippy Toe

Here's the history of Tippy Toe: She's 23, she has a kid, unwed baby-mama with multiple male suitors (none of which are the father). The current boy toy is Oliver Twist. She explains to everyone EVERYTHING about him in the lunch room. Even if you're just discussing something random like....Nicolas Cage -> she will somehow relate it back to her and Oliver Twist. She also never comes to work in any type of inclement weather. Here's a sample of a random excuse:

"oh my boyfriend said this and my kid did this and my car broke down cuz a brand new audi backed into me at the bank and totalled my car. and while my dad was trying to fix it cuz he's a mechanic i drove it into the guard rail, so i cant come to work"

Well, we did some investigative work. We circled the parking lots and found tippy toe's ride w/ not apparent damage.

Random Treats from Tippy Toe

Here's a suggestion: During the holidays, don't even think about leaving a toilet paper roll on your coworkers' desks with random treats inside. So sketchy.