Two Centaurs Walk into a Chipotle...

So im walking to work as usual when mork pulls up next to us in the passenger side of his best friends ride trying to holler at me and starts singing "my eyes are getting weeary...my back is getting tight" and the van follows us all the way up to the bldg and hes like "baby all I wanna do is cash my check and drive home to you..." what a loser!

Anyways, so I walk upstairs to my desk and pass Cent (formerly as known as Centaur) and she's got this blank glazed over stare which is magnified by her thick glasses. Her head is tilted at a 60 degree angle with a big dreamy smile on her face. She is dreaming of Mork. Mork Black (see picture). They are staying at his condo at Seacrets. He is sweeping her off her hooves. Centaur was awakened from her fantasy by a mass page projected throughout the office: "Whoever Googled Jerry Mayer…please report to HR immediately."

So I decided to turn myself in thinking how bad can it be? So what if I googled Jerry Mayer?When I walk in the chair is turned around like facing the window and a voice says "have a seat. " Then the chair spins around to reveal none other than Joey Greco. For some reason Joey Greco has a cat sitting on the desk kinda like Dr. claw. He begins the investigation:

Greco: "What do you know about Mayer?"

Me: I don't know anything about Jerry Mayer. That's why I was googling him.

Greco then slides across the desk a picture of Mork Black in front of Seacrets.

Greco: What do you call this?

Me: I-

Greco: What about this?(Greco slides a picture of the door in front of the office with the bug smashed and also a picture we had of Wilford in his mountaineer hat)

Me: where did you get these?

Mork: Paintbrush! Mork appeared from behind the coathanger in a dark corner.

Greco:"we have someone who would like to confront you..."

then Mork emerges from the shadows. Greco slides the last and final picture which we had googled earlier in the week. It was a picture of 'The Beets' from Doug.

Greco: what do you know about the Beets?

Mork interrupts Greco and with an air guitar belts out "KILLER TOFUUUU"Mork gets so into it that he accidentally hits the intercom on the phone so itll go through the whole office... "ooh ee ohhh...killer tofu!" and centaur hears this on her phone and says to no one in particular "that sounds yummy!"

Greco: Mork, please stop.

Mork exits yelling "who ate my edamame??"

Greco: Back to the investigation. what can you tell us about jerry mayer? Before I can respond barton wanders into HR starts talking about Jerry Mayer's website and how he's an actor/producer. Joey Greco turns to his computer and begins to type the website

Greco: is it http://www.jerrymayer.c/-

Barton: oh, grow up Joey! That Mayer is fat and he dyes his hair.

Me- I thought he was bald…

Centaur enters: Oh my God…you guys jerry mayer will be starring in high school musical 3!

Barton: Very nice....

Greco: alright…that settles that matter. We just have, one more thing to ask you. We found this flier on the bathroom wall, do you know anything about it?

BENFEST 2008

Bring your Mexican Ponchos, your Dave Matthews CDs, your Jesus sandle, your orange beards and come on down to BENFEST 08. It will take place on the eastern shore just across the bay bridge. Jumbo Crabs and strippers. Good Boys Club status only. And for the ladies, we are offering "get fit, lose weight" wellness classes. We will provide booze and a ride home and baseball. Bring your catchers mit, we'll fry it up on the grillz (for realz). So put on your soccer cleats, get on your elephant and hop on over to BENFEST! This is the celebration of the greatest employee there ever was………..

UPDATE

UPDATE:Today the Downer returned to work with a walker. It's got a rearview mirror, complete with an American flag and tennis balls. I think there might be an alarm on it. She flaunts it in the hallway outside her cube so ppl have no choice but to notice it and ask her what happened. The person immediately regrets asking this because the Downer will go into a long-winded story about how she broke all her bones and had to get them fixed and she'll continue to complain about her life.

Grab Bags (sold at the Dollar Tree)

yo yo

magic beans (the kind you put in water and they grow into foam figures)

balsa wood airplane

a cap gun

a deputy badge

dinosaur figurine

supersoaker

so im at my desk, bored. typing with a paperclip on my finger like a witch nail or something. I'm hoping nobody sees me or notices but it's too late. Mork walks by and is reminded of his childhood. all of a sudden i hear singing behind me: "Spider webs, rotten eggs purple paint too....stir it in my witches brew, I got maaagic. alla-kazam-akazoo." I immediately take the paperclips off and put them back in my drawer. Meanwhile Mork proceeds to the upstairs conference room followed Wilford and they slam the door. For the next hour, we hear really bad 80s keyboard music (where you hit the button and the beat's already there). I finally decide to peak in the conference and see what the hap's was. Inside I found Mork doing a headstand and scissor-kicking his legs while karaoking to a Rick Astley song "Never Gonna Give You Up." To avoid this awkward situation we slowly shut the door and sneak back out. Not even 5 minutes later we hear the guitar cranked up. We rush to the conference room to see what all the racket was about. Wilford comes from the side door and yells "hey man! let's grind!" with a skateboard over his head. Just then "Sk8r Boi" comes on Guitar Hero and it's Morks turn. Wilford is doing air guitar in the back. They both sing "he was a sk8r boi she said seeya later boi" perfectly as if they've been practicing in the van alot. We both just stand speechless. Towards the end, Mork gets a little too hyped up and takes it too far. He proceeds to smash the game guitar against the table and the wall, smashing it into pieces, debris flying everywhere. The next morning I sign in at my desk and received an email from HR that says: WHOEVER SMASHED THE GUITAR IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM PLEASE REPORT TO HR. Nobody shows. so the office decided to hire an investigator. No other than Joey Greco.