The Worst Day EVER

Mork at Seacrets....

This morning, I'm sitting in my car minding my own business....when the shuttle rolls up all creepily and it stops w/ the end in front of my car w/ the back of the bus at the front of my car and then all of a sudden when I opened the door of my car, the Shuttle van speeds off as the shuttle driver puts the petal to the floor...and yells "SIKE!!!" He slaps high fives with Mork whose in shotgun. "That's what I'm talking about" says Mork chuckling. Today is the worst day of my life. and it just gets worse....when I get into the office I'm getting "shout-outs" left and right.



So………apparently today, someone decided to cook their baseball glove and cover it in old bay then drown it w/ maple syrup (probably from that Oak table someone put in the personal lines conference room). Some say that elves may have carved this mythical table which appeared out of nowhere last Friday. All we need now is some muskets and raccoon tails on the walls underneath the moose head. The cooked baseball glove smelled so bad, I'd rather smell soapy shit from the shit-smeared bathroom. At least that offers some freshness to it.

Anyways….so I was having such a bad day I decided that me and crew would go to the village starbucks. We walked in, stood in line and ordered our coffee. (Joey Greco was the barrista)
Joey Greco: would you like whipped cream?
Me: no.
Joey Greco: Tall? Grande? Venti?
Me: just tall….
Joey Greco: would you like sugar? Sweet n low? Splenda…..
Me: just plain.
Joey Greco: would you like any lemon bars? Perhaps a scone…
Me: No, thanks…. [as I’m walking away…]
Joey Greco: can I interest you in a bear claw?...

I sit down w/ my two friends (kinda like Samir and Michael Bolton from Office Space) when all of a sudden I heard a chair pull up behind me….It’s Mork with a backwards upside-down visor, wearing a white “faded glory” polo with the collar popped.
Mork: “Mind if I pull up a seat?” (he’s straddling the chair backwards like the cool guy that he is)
None of us respond….
Mork: So, do you girls come here often? (He pulls out a copy of “Are you there God? It’s me Margaret”) Do you guys ever read this? It’s a good read. Bake My fish.
Michael Bolton: that’s pretty much the worst book of all time.
Mork: I was just jossin you guys. He takes a sip and smacks his lips and says “Can’t get enough of this stuff!” [Mork disappears momentarily, then returns doing the poplock and hands one of us a starbucks iced coffee]
Mork: There's more where that came from, if you'll come to Seacrets...

Next Week on Mork and Mayer: Mork is at Seacrets doing 'the worm' dance in front of a cheering crowd of scuzzy old people.


Next week on MORK AND MAYER:

Mork enters the dentist office where it says "BIG TYMERS FAMILY DENTISTRY" on the outer door, shirtless but with a cowboy/motorcycle leather vest and chaps (think Sisqo's music video for "Wild Wild West").
Mork: "I'm the maintenance guy...here to fix the lights"
(Joey Greco is the Dental Assistant)
Joey: do you have an appt? come on in, have a seat.
Mork: no, I'm just here to fix the lights...
Joey: have you been flossing?

[BIG TYMERS ENTER w/ music from their hit "Real Big"]
Joey: Morning....what font size would you like this letter?
Mannie Fresh: Font Real BIG....MOUSE REAL BIG....COMPUTER REAL BIG...

UPDATE

UPDATE: Today on Tuesday, April 8th, the centaur went all out.

For breakfast: she had not one, but two slices of leftover pizza. Sounds like a bad idea. It gets worse. Next, she engorged on a giant chocolate cupcake. Lunch included chicken strips and another unknown substance. All of this was the most "DELICIOUS FOOD" she ever had. what really grinds my gears is the fact that said centaur is allegedly on a diet. Grinding my ghost gears.

Side note: who is "woooooo"ing in the conference like they're on a God Damn roller coaster?

Anyways, you know else grinds my gears? OBRIEN. he's a baby bear. Sources tell us "he's fat." He may seem like an okay guy, but don't be fooled. He's a A class suck-up. It would be wise keep your distance. He went to a Native American College in a Teepee on the Eastern Shore and played soccer. He's never worked in an office, but now he's in the "cool guy" club (which includes producers and the president) where they mainly play golf, discuss sports that they tivo-ed, or go out every weekend and GET RIPPED! In fact when it comes to Murphy and Obrien we can boil it down to one simple equation:

(No Business experience + weener) * Eastern Shore College / (soccer^2)= 'mini-producer'

*be sure to use "Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally" when utilizing this equation.

Last, but not least....why was our shuttle driver pulled over by a cop monday morning and given a sobriety test? And he wonders why I don't ride the shuttle.

• He stalks people: He begins by tailgating them into the lot waits for them to park and then pulls around to the front and waits for you staring intently for long periods of time. Then he gets pissed off when you don't accept the ride. He's creepy. Him and Mork know everything about you.
• He honks when I'm already past the tennis courts...
• It takes even more time to ride the shuttle than it does walking there.
• What is up w/ that hat? Alot of people hate that hat! Are you that cold? when the heat is already blasting so that none of the passengers can breath.
• Finally, I do NOT want to be that close to Mork, mythical creatures or Batman villains.

Why do the centaurs, complain about being fat, when they take the shuttle to avoid walking 500 feet to the office? Riddle Me this....